A poem about the moment, in adult life, when someone discovers they have ADHD. Witty and powerful, poet Jackie Fernandez captures in a little over 200 words the shock and discombobulation she experienced when she discovered she was no longer neurotypical.
(Please be aware, this poem contains expletives.)
I was at my therapy session.
Thinking I was going to talk about the self-sabotage
Of my marriage
That had become a complete train wreck.
26 years hitting the deck
With me asking for the cheque.
My therapist hijacked it
By asking me a load of questions …
“Do you remember all the things you have agreed to?
With friends
Colleagues
Family
Double booking yourself
Getting in a tangle.
When you can honestly not remember
Conversations
Discussions
Decisions
Watching the slow-motion collisions.
Can you remember agreements made at work?
Responsibilities that you cannot shirk
Forget to write down and diarise
Hitting you on the deadline like a surprise.”
I answer all the 18 questions
Cheerily
Honestly
With no hesitation
Not a clue
To what this is all leading to.
“Are you aware of the questions I have asked you?”
No idea.
My partner whispering
“I know what this is about.”
Tell me now
I shout!
“You have scored highly and could have ADHD.”
Huh? …
What did you say?
Me?
No fucking way!
I’m neurotypical surely?
Silence from all sides
I am blindsided …
Never saw this coming …
I am not delighted …
“You should get assessed”
The therapist suggests.
I nod with big eyes
I will
Trying to sit still.
I’m dumbstruck
Like I have been hit by a truck
Just my fucking luck.
Jackie Fernandez
May 2024
56.5 years old
Published 2 August 2024
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